Quotes by Finley Peter Dunne

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Finley Peter Dunne (1867 - 1936) was a Chicago-based U.S. author, writer and humorist. He wrote Mr. Dooley in Peace and War in 1898. "Mr. Dooley" became one of the first nationally syndicated newpaper features. Set in a South ...

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Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
The past always looks better than it was because it isn't here.
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
Many a man that couldn't direct you to the drugstore on the corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.
A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
No, sir, th dimmycratic party aint on speakin terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an th other hisses Miscreent ye can bet theyre two dimmycratic leaders thryin to reunite th gran ol party.